mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
