Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
