He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
