Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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