today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
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This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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