Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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