Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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