Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
