Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
