Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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