"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
