Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
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Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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