I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
