we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
