He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
