The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
