I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
