So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
