Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
