It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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