Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
