My liver just broke up with me...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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