did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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