Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
