if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
