wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Its about making memories worth repressing
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
