it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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