Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
