The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
