I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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