All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
