Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
