In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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