I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
