Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I look better un-naked...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
