how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
