My room smells like vodka and shame
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
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I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
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Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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