Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
