he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
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they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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