So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize