so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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