How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
