If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
BRING THE BAGELS
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
