I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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