Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
