If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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