She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
