I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
