So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
