he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
