dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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