I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
