3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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