sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
