he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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