i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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