If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
