First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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