Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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