so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
