Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
