she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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