yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
